Over the years, since qualifying as a shamanic practitioner, I have worked with only three male clients, one of which is my husband. Approximately 99% of my client base are female, I have often wondered why this is the case.
Girls, Ladies, Women, Mothers, Grandmothers. Vixens, Divas, Princesses and the occasionally, a wise, old Fairy Godmother. One thing they have in common is the word ‘victim’.
It is one of those words that we all shudder at (I’m not sure about the men, do you shudder at that word?).
You can be a victim of a practical joke, maybe a clown dramatically trips over his large feet and pours the contents of his bucket over you. You blush crimson red as confetti billow over you.
You can also be a darker, far more sinister victim.
I have seen the word victim a lot recently, in the media, news feed, even friends of mine have used the hashtag #METOO in their own personal social media feeds. ‘Me Too’, unfortunately refers to sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape. The words cut like thorns on your skin.
I know, that men also experience this tragedy. But today, I am talking about women.
I also know, (and have unfortunately, witnessed and intervened) that women can also be the perpetrator. We can All play a role within the drama triangle.
I hear words like these all the time, whether they are from the mouths of clients, friends or from victims in crime films or books;
The bruises have gone, but I can still feel their touch on my skin…Even though it was a long time ago, I can still feel the warmth of their breath on my neck…Their words hurt me back then, but now they still play, over and over again in my mind, they’ve become my inner voice…No amount of bleach can make me feel clean…It was my fault…I just want to be free…Why me? What did I do wrong? It must have been my fault…I froze, I couldn’t even say no. I couldn’t move, it was like I was paralysed, in a dream, a nightmare…It was my fault.
Sexual abuse, harassment, jokes, assault and violence all directly affects the root chakra.
It is the place of our power, our sexuality, and our connection to our bodies and the earth herself.
When it is damaged, we no longer feel safe in the world, we no longer feel. We no longer feel secure in our bodies, secure in ourselves, or even the people around us. We become disconnected from our bodies, disassociated from ourselves, from ‘who’ we are in our bodies. We no longer feel grounded, connected to the earth, even our families feel alien to us.
When a perpetrator commits an act of violence or violation against you in this way, even a hurt remark, it energetically damages this chakra, vital life force begins to leak out (in a way, I think that the perpetrator feeds on this life force.) This life force is most potent and most sacred at the root chakra. It is your vulva, your sacred yoni, your sexuality, your power of creation of life itself.
What I have noticed, is that all these women all have something else in common, they all contain an original wounding, one that dates back hundreds, even thousands of years.
In a way it is like the ‘original sin’ in Christian philosophy.
It is the wounding of the Divine Feminine. Having worked with many women now, (and within my own personal work) I have witnessed countless heart-breaking and excruciating tales within the place of our souls.
Too graphic to retell here, (and nor shall I, as these are personal tales that live within each one of us) but they are there, in all of us.
A perpetrator is weak, and holds massive wounds, the wounds of the Divine Masculine, mainly a deep suppression of all emotions from a young age (I will talk about this another time).
They hold this wound like a parasite, they pass it on to its victim.
This parasite is like a magnetic hook that sits, quietly attached to its familiar host, (for it recognises the same wounding within you too, the suppression of woman) and draws more power to it.
It needs to feed, so it magnetises more abuse, hooking more pain, more of the same to you, reiterating the belief that you already held about yourself and your life.
My role as shaman is to track the ‘original wounding’ and heal this piece.
The stories we hold from our past lives stay with us, and they show up in this life, for a reason only, to be healed.
I see these ancient wounds as sacred weeds, whose roots go down, attached to many parts of our lives; our bodies, our relationships, our family, our hearts desire and our fears.
I go back to this wound and pull it up, pulling up all its roots with it.
During a healing session, these fears and past traumas all get energetically placed within a kuya, (a sacred healing stone that I use) then, using a process called miqui, this heavy energy is combusted and uncoiled from you.
After further extractions of stuck energy, or energy that’s not yours in the first place, you will then naturally go to a place of great peace, what we call infinity. You will be touched by infinity, and infinity will touch you back. When you bask in the in the arms of All That Is, for me, this is where great healing happens.
I am then able to begin the illumination process, where divine light is poured into you, illuminating your soul, and a final shamanic piece is gifted, your lost soul parts are reunited with you, you reclaim transformational and life-giving quantum pieces of energy.
So, what is it with all these voices starting to pop up? It has always been this way, men will be men, boys will be boys!
We are starting to wake up from the nightmare that says that this is OK.
There is power in this vulnerability, a strength in ‘ME TOO’.
Putting a voice to the pain of ages, sharing this collective pain so publicly is a true strength.
We are finally saying, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
This Is Not Right.
It Was Not My Fault.
I Am Not To Blame.
As a man, as a father of a son, I feel I have a responsibility to teach our future generation something different.
Have you ever said something derogatory, even in jest, to a girl before?
I know I have in the past, I did it, and I am sorry, I understand now.
Have you ever sneakily pinched a women’s bottom?
Wolf whistled or said something ‘big’ in front of your mates?
Have you ever tried it on with a girl, only to have been knocked back, then follow with an assault of words from your broken ego?
Have you ever been in a position where you did not hear the word no, or did you choose to ignore it? Or maybe you are like the hunter, enjoying the chase, the hunt…what comes next?
Men, where are you? Where are your #IDIDIT #IMSORRY #IKNOWBETTER?
What are you teaching your sons? And your daughters, for that matter.
Are you teaching them permission? Asking and granting permission.
Are you teaching them respect? Respect for themselves and others, respect for the sanctity of No, and the joy of Yes?
Are you teaching them the power of NO!? Are you teaching them the beauty and grace of YES!? Are you teaching them integrity? That they are, and will be, loved for exactly who they are?
Are you teaching them boundaries? I’m teaching my son all of these things.
It is not all men! Of course! We all know that! But, we have all made a remark, smirked at our mate’s dirty joke about a female office worker, told someone about their experiences with a certain person.
We have all heard something that was ‘below the belt’ and not said anything, we have all laughed at a derogatory remark, and felt guilty afterwards, not saying a word in defence of the woman involved.
We are teaching our sons that this is ok. We are teaching our daughters that this is to be expected. What else, do you think your sons will also think is ‘ok’?
We are all guilty of perpetuating the vicious cycles of abuse.
What is sad is that It doesn’t matter what age you are, what gender you are, where you fit in on the social scale, it doesn’t matter if you think you are hot or ugly, dress outrageously or modestly. Nothing can protect you from a perpetrator of abuse. Until these predators, with all their wounding, get help themselves (where are you, anyway? I know you’re hurting too), we are all at risk.
Getting a healing to remove the imprint of ‘abuse’ and ‘victim’ from your luminous energy-field is so important, they are like magnetic hooks that bring more of the same to you, reinforcing old and unhelpful beliefs about the world.
I hear people say, “I feel like I have ‘victim’ written on my forehead.” That for me, says there is a hook somewhere in your luminous energy-field that desperately needs removing.
Another thing we as shaman can do is gift the chumpi rites. A set of elemental, energetic bands of power are woven around you, holding you and protecting you from harmful energies. Instead of these energies depleting you, they serve only to feed and strengthen these bands.
Call Light to you whenever you feel unsafe, the light of all light, the power of light. Call Kali-Ma, or any Goddess that protects you.
Listen and trust your inner-tuition.
Do not minimise who you are.
Do not live a small life because of fear.
Rise up from the ashes of the stakes you were once burnt at, like a phoenix from the flames.
Reclaim your gold, your majesty, your sovereignty.
Radiate and enjoy your sexuality, because it is a gift from All That Is, from the Goddess herself, it is pure creation.
Heal the wounds of the Divine Mother, the Goddess, and know that you are One of the many faces of She.
Samaritans 116 123
SWITCHBOARD An LGBT+ helpline 03003306630 www.switchboard.lgbt
SANE 03003047000 www.sane.org.ukhelpline offering practical advice, information and advice.
RETHINK MENTAL ILLNESS www.rethink.orginformation and online directory of local support.
Anxiety UK 08444775774 www.anxietyuk.org.ukinformation and support
National Domestic Violence Helpline www.refuge.org.uk08082000247
Victim support 08453030900
Rape Crisis www.rapecrisis.org.uk08088029999
ARC Youth counselling serviced 01189776710 www.arcweb.org.uk
CBD oil is great for PTSD and dealing with past traumas, this link is great for advice and information. www.drugscience.org
Shamanism has been a passion and an inspiration for me for many years now.